Ramblings at 4am...

Something that was started a couple months ago...

This is a work in progress...and just ramblings and feelings currently, read at your own risk lol

One more night of being awake more than I'm sleeping for some reason brought an old bible verse to my mind...Guess my brain has been working overtime while I've been cat napping.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Things I know for certain of myself after rethinking this verse. Someone REALLY knew what being in love and loving another with their entire being was WAY back when that was written. What I wonder is though...how many people will actually give that much of themselves to another and risk being hurt. My guess would be very very few. It takes a lot to put that much trust into someone that in a matter of breaths could rip your heart to shreds without even knowing. That I think is the ultimate trust, to be able to bare your soul and risk the chance of being completely ripped apart in the course of a heartbeat. Now...whether that person is really deserving of that type of trust remains to be seen, but for some reason once your heart finds that person it just doesn't slow down...stop for directions...take a breath...nothing. Just hell bent on being everything to your "soul mate".

I used to wonder if that phrase was just something made up by the greeting card type people, philosophers etc who were just too drunk or stoned to really know what the hell they were talking about lol. Then one day my heart took this loooonnngggg leap across several hundred miles and found the person for me to completely let go with. Little did I know at the time that it would turn out to be like it currently is. I've begun to notice things about myself that I'm not sure are all that healthy to be quite honest. In the process of letting go of my heart and soul to another's keeping I've forgotten to keep a little bit with me. So much so that I've seemed to lose what my focus is, what my passions are, and WHO I really am on the most basic level. I've become someone that is "great at caring for others" but I've forgotten to care for myself as well. Again, very unhealthy. I dropped my shielding completely, let this person in, and in turn allowed someone else the power to hurt me as deeply as anyone can be hurt. Intentional or not does not matter, the simple fact that it was allowed to happen...that I allowed it to happen just astounds me.